My Accessory Odyssey

There's been something missing in my life. It's not a spiritually rewarding job, or embarking on a trip to over-pinned travel destinations. No, it's something else that affects my life almost daily: Finding the perfect black handbag.

I should correct myself. I've FOUND the perfect black handbag. The Mansur Gavriel (yes, spelling is correct) Mini Bucket Bag.

It is a thing of beauty. Rich black leather with a subtle sheen. Three gold studs adorn the shoulder strap, whose length allows the bag to hit at exactly the right spot on the hip. The top of the bucket bag cinched by a perfectly-sized bow, with a teeny tiny gold embossed logo at the bottom which comes nowhere close to ostentatious. The flaming red interior mimics my pining, and how I so yearn for this piece of art.

It's true. I've fallen in love with a bucket bag. It's time for society to finally accept the union of a woman and a handbag.

One day, you will be mine.

Alas, every good love story has that fatal hiccup. Romeo and Juliet, Pyramus an Thisbe, Britney and Justin. What's keeping me apart from my one true love (other tru luvs include Haribo gummy bears and "Suggested for You" on Netflix)? The price tag of $460.

A few weeks ago I had an internal debate. Pay off my credit card debt, or buy this bag. Debt or bag? Getting out of the red or putting me further into the hole. Creditor's calls or siren's calls. I'm only SLIGHTLY ashamed to say this was not an instantaneous decision. I went with my credit card payment, and now devote a portion of my day, every day, image searching "Mansur Gavriel Bucket Bag," as I lay my head on my hand, arm propped up, and audibly sigh.

I like to pride myself on being able to comb through the internet for dupes or hidden sales or a very specific gif of geese dressed in Victorian era clothing. Just give me two data points and I can google the shit out of anyone. College thesis, social sports league membership,government job annual salary -- you name it, I can pretty much find it. I'm still surprised the FBI/CIA hasn't reached out for my freelance services. Or they're just waiting for the right moment... which could happen annnnnnyyyyyy time now. (I just checked my email, still nothing.)

I've met my binary match. Finding a bag as beautiful as the one above, for a price that is not ~1/3 of my rent. The bag may be spacious, but I can't live out of it. At least not with the size of my current duvet. Now is the time for you, dear reader, to share my frustrations. I have yet to find a bag matching the beauty of the MG with a price that doesn't make me question if I can afford eating this month.

Attempt 1: H&M

A new H&M opened up near my office, which warranted a quick pop-in. I was just about at my scent threshold of ripe polyester when I spied a teeny tiny black "leather" bag. I'm using that term loosely. Its material could most likely be melted down and used to fill potholes.

It's not thaaaaaaaat baaaaaa-yes it is.

Big enough to fit my necessary items? If I wanted to bring a license and maybe 2 keys, sure. Black? Check. Price cheaper than $460. Check check. At a sale price of $6.75 it basically cost me as much as gas station sushi. So I went ahead and bought it.

When I returned home and looked at the bag outside of its natural habitat, I was offended. The flimsy strap took the power of Zeus to re-size, the material was pretty much repulsive to the touch, and it was a $7 bag from H&M. It had to go. Plus, I kept telling myself "It's only $7! So it's your "for now" bag until you can afford the item around which your entire existence revolves." What's the point of paying for a "For now" bag when you're looking to avoid spending money. Now the tally would be $467. No. Nope nope no.

Attempt 2: J. Crew Factory

In a routine J. Crew Factory sale perusal, I spotted a shoulder bag that made me do a double-click.

Black? Yeah, most of it. Decent size? Mmhmm. Relatively inexpensive? At $78 bucks, I wouldn't go hungry.

Maybe it was just my online ocular fatigue and disappointment in not being able to find a dupe I was content with, that made me shrug my shoulders as I entered my card information. Sadly my initial accessory lust turned into a "I guess... Why not, right?" A phenomenon which coincidentally happens about 3-6 months in on OKCupid.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The bag came, and THAT BAG WENT. OH THAT BAG HAD TO GO. I really couldn't get much further than this:

BLECH. Be gone foul creature! Go back to the J Crew Factory from whence you came!!!!!!!! There is no way you could ever replace the bucket bag-shaped hole in my heart.

Attempt 3: The Internet

You're probably thinking "How hard can this be?" Well, you're asking the wrong question. What you SHOULD be asking is "How picky is this chick?" in which I would respond "Very."

Here are some other options I found, and my insanely critical and irrational opinions of each:

The Kelsi Dagger "Benedetta Bucket Bag":

Oh, this looks promising! Price? $188, OK can do. Ehhh the strap is a little thick. What about a body ratio picture?

Oh no. Oh no no no. That's all wrong. Look how big that is! Also look where the top lands -- you'd have to bend your arm into an awkward bird wing just to get in there. Or you'd have to take the bag off and it's impossible to look through a bag without some sort of table or surface, but you'll most likely be outside and there's no way I'm putting this on a grimy sidewalk, no matter how cool it is for the kids to get "grimy" nowadays. I won't do it. I refuse.

Urban Outfitters "Cooperative Structure Bag" Online Exclusive

I mean, I don't hate it. It seems stiff. Not crazy about the apparent seam on the bow, which looks cheap:

$49, is a tough price to beat. But then I keep looking at this picture:

She's just SO SAD. So sad. Because she knows this is a poor imitation of such a beauty. NEXT.

Mango "Pebble Bucket Bag"

Why am I even entertaining the thought?

BAGGU "Leather Drawstring Bag"

You think I'm being narrow minded?

NOT AS NARROW AS THAT OPENING. How am supposed to get in there? Moving on.

David Jones "Drawstring Bucket Bag"

I loathe you.

Maybe if I combine this year's Hanukkah with next year's birthday I can con a family member into buying me the Mansur Gavriel. Until then, my chin is firmly planted on top of my hand, head cocked in longing.

This bag comes with that BMI, correct?